Ms. Gokturk

Expos

 

Remember the Dialogue

 

Sure, yer louking for splging errors and typohs in your classmate’s work. Be kind. Bee helpful. There feelings count. But Please keep the following in mind as you edit, two:

 

Closely examine the paper to make sure there is more showing and less telling. Indicate where the author could use dialogue or description to make the story more vivid. Check for dialogue format. Remember indents and that a new paragraph is made for a new speaker. Note how to punctuate correctly.

 

Ms. Gokturk said, “I know that you can jazz up this essay a bit more.” She looked away momentarily as she collected her thoughts. “Essays put us to sleep when we are being lectured. People like to imagine being there, so dialogue and descriptions help our imaginations along.”

“But I thought I had dialogue,” the expos student whined, “Isn’t this enough?” The whine lingered in the air like the scraping on a chalkboard.

“More!” Ms. G barked. “More! More! More! Don’t tell us about the conversation! Show us the conversation!”

“This is lame,” he muttered under his breath. He added, “Oh well, Ms. G, you are so wise, you must be right. I’ll do it.”

The student received an A+ on his final draft.

 

 

·        Suggest where the author could replace LAZY adjectives and verbs with lively ones. Take off 2 points for each lazy word you find! That’ll show ‘em!

·        Suggest where the author could use metaphors or similes: “Her smile was like the sun…” or “He was the sun in her life…” Extended metaphors work well also when appropriate. Enforcing the theme of the essay with these is a great way to make the writing come alive.